1.       Can you elaborate on your nomination and the details thereof?

Firstly, it came as a wonderful surprise that I was nominated at all!

I raised my son alone after I fell pregnant at 16 years old. When he was 4 we were able to move out of my parents’ house and into our own flat. My son was then diagnosed with ADHD at age 6 (he’s almost 19 now).

When we first started our journey, I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to accept at first that he had any kind of disorder- I was convinced his teachers had something against me raising him alone, and I was sure that any hassles he had at school and aftercare and at home with me were a reflection on my obviously bad parenting.

It took me several years to come to terms with it- even after accepting the diagnosis and beginning our treatment rollercoaster ride.

I battled terribly with talking to my own family and friends about my son’s diagnosis. I didn’t know how to ask for help unless I was walking to a doctor- and even then I felt intimidated and uneducated and took their words as gospel.

I was afraid to go anywhere with him in case he did or said something and people would pick up that something was a miss.

And if I did mention it to anyone I was immediately interrogated as to whether or not I was giving him Ritalin and was I sure he was diagnosed properly… as if I would go through everything my son and I went through on a daily basis for the fun of it.

I became determined- over the years of fighting with teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, my son, friends and family- that I would do everything I could to create awareness around ADHD and what a diagnosis entails. I decided that I would answer any question asked of me with as much tact and honesty as I could without embarrassing my son. I became his advocate and his defender, as well as becoming as much of an ally to his teachers as I could be.

I also realised early on, after getting help from an American email-based support group that came to my rescue when I couldn’t find a support group in South Africa, that there were a lot of parents like me out there. Parents who are handed a diagnosis (and often a prescription as well) and sent out into the world with no point of reference or further explanation.

It’s terrifying to be told your child has ADD or ADHD. No one ever talks about the good that comes from proper treatment and diagnosis. The doctors never tell you everything they can about the diagnosis and they don’t tell you all your options or give you a contact for post-diagnosis support.

If I can, I want to be that contact. I want to take some of that fear and turn it into empowerment.

2. Tell me more about who you are – in particular your activities related to your nomination. 

I’m a mom. I’m a mom to an almost-adult son with ADHD.

And I have a blog, Angels Mind. This is where I talk about my life in general- it’s a life blog- and where I talk about raising my son and being a mother to an ADHDer (you can find the links to my ADHD related posts here and here).

I talk about a lot of the issues Damien and I had and have now in terms of dealing with his ADHD and the complications that arise when you live with it.

I write articles for a few parenting sites (jozikids.co.za, My Daily Walk) and on several social networking sites Your Parenting Community, MommyWorks I started “groups” for parents of ADHDers, where I post articles I have written as well as links to interesting things I find on the internet.

I am also in contact with ADHDer parents through my online social community. These parents are often referred to me when they talk to a friend of theirs in desperation and tears, and that friend happens to know me- more often than not through blogging, Facebook or Twitter.

I keep in regular contact with these parents, mostly through email, to check on how they’re doing, and I send them articles to read about developments in treatments and therapies, as well as tips for dealing with family and teachers.

I also attend the ADHASA seminar, and I try to encourage schools to send their parents and teachers to the seminar every year. Last year I got to speak at the seminar as a mother, for the first time (after nagging them for years) and I was quite well received. I also got in contact with a few parents through speaking there.

I continue to research ADHD and read up on published articles and information.

3. What’s your inspiration? (that one thing that inspires and motivates you to be) What drives your passion?

 My son is my inspiration. My son, who lives with ADHD every day of his life. I want to make sure that no matter what comes at him, he will be able to make a success of his life one day and be proud of himself.

Right now, he doesn’t get it, but one day he will. One day he will see the potential in him that I see, and he will be proud of himself.

4. What were the defining moments in your life? 

One of the first was as a sixteen year old mom-to-be, deciding that I was going to be a single mother and raise my son alone. And then dealing with leaving my son’s father whilst I was pregnant showed me I was a lot stronger than I thought I was.

It might sound like a cliché, but having my son- giving birth to my beautiful baby boy- turned my life on its head and , and gave me a purpose that I never dreamed I’d even wanted.

The first time one of his teachers told me she thought my son had a problem was a HUGE moment in my life. Nothing was ever the same again.

My son’s first ADHD diagnosis still rings in my head as a moment I wish I could take back and handle differently. I wish I had known then what I know now.

Realising- after years of reading, research, crying, begging and talking- that doctors and teachers are not all knowing and I have every right to argue with them!

And believe it or not, the first time I looked into my fiancé’s eyes! We got to know each other by reading each others’ blogs, and as is done by South African bloggers- decided to meet face to face to be friends in real life too.

5.       What do you consider your greatest strengths – what do you base your life success and achievements on?

Not everyone considers it strength, but I believe one of my strengths is my ability to put aside my emotions until I have the facts and figures I need to make the right decision.

I also think one of my greatest strengths is that I am a very logical thinker, and I have the ability to look at a situation from many angles before I make a decision on what I see.

I am able to talk to and teach people without coming across as pushy or overbearing. I can remember things I have read and learned and apply them to a situation in such a way that other people may be able to use my life-lessons in their own lives.

6.       What would you consider as the guiding principles of your life?

To continue to prize my personal integrity above all else so that no-one will ever have reason to talk about me with spite.

My son also features greatly in almost all that I do, and using the lessons I have learnt whilst raising him- without degrading or embarrassing him- is vitally important to me.

And with good manners, you can achieve almost anything!

7.       What do you consider the greatest challenge/s for women in South Africa and do you have any advise/input?

Wow.

What a question.

I don’t think women in this country are taken seriously enough when they decide to go ahead with something they have considered a dream or a goal all their lives. Too often they are told that “you can’t earn a living that way” or “there’s no future in that”. And sadly, too many women believe it when they’re admonished for wanting to study something like art or music, or go ahead with a little business of their own.

My advice?

If you need to- shelve your plans for yourself until you feel stronger about pursuing them, but never ever abandon them because someone laughs at them, and never ever allow someone else to take them from you.

8.       What is your personal inspirational message to the women of South Africa?

You know yourself better than anyone else ever can or will. Your conscience and your intuition WILL guide you.

9. How do you believe you are currently making a difference as a woman and what are you hopes/ intentions/ dreams for the future? 

I think I am proving to people I come into contact with that single parenthood is possible- if you have to do it. You can be strong, independent and successful without resenting your child or your circumstances. And that your life does not have to fall apart when your circumstances change.

When I had my son at 17 years old, I had many plans for my future that did not include parenthood. I decided when he was very young that as a single parent I would put him first as much as I possibly could. I decided to shelve my future until he was grown and capable of looking after himself.

My aspirations and goals have changed since I shelved them all those years ago, but I am still passionate about starting my own business and being successful in my own right.

I am hoping to be able to resign from my regular 9-5 job some time in the future, and make a living from my love of weddings. I am doing a wedding planning course at the moment to aid in that (Angel’s Weddings) and its so exciting to think I can actually consider following through with this now.

I also love cupcakes, and purely by accident and through my contacts on line my baking is turning into quite a little sideline (The Cupcake Lady)! It’s fabulous!

I am also hoping to be able to provide even more support to ADHDer parents when I no longer have to work full day. I would like to be able to speak to schools and teachers, and attend meetings with the parents when they feel they could use a little back up. And my support group meetings MUST become more regular and more accessible to all ADHDer parents.

10. What would you like to be remembered for…?  

For being someone people trust and consider a friend. For being someone that others could turn to in a pinch no matter the circumstances.

11. What do you value most in life? 

Honesty and integrity are so very important, and by keeping these two values a priority so many other things become easier to do. No matter whom I am dealing with- from my son to my clients- I have to know I am giving 100% even if they don’t realise I believe this. And the results speak for themselves.

Can you imagine how much more trustworthy people would be if they prized their own integrity as highly as they should.

12. How do you balance work and home life? 

Being a single mother, this has always been a battle. I’ve never been able to work from home or even work half day as my income was the only one. And sometimes my working hours were less than ideal.

I must be honest and say that my son and I both suffered for it because he had to be looked after by other people- often my parents- when I was working nights and weekends.

And learning that working long hours with no thanks or pay was something that wasn’t getting me anywhere except more snowed under with work was a life-lesson I wish more people would learn earlier in life. Learning to put my foot down and work the hours I was being paid to work took me too long to do.

I did learn very early on in my work life to separate work and home. My work almost never went home with me. Home was for my son. Home was for us to bake together, watch DVDs together, eat junk food together, and visit friends and family together. And of course- do homework and assignments and learn for tests and exams.

And I tried hard not to let my home life influence my daily functioning- although this gets very difficult when you’re being called to the school every other week.

And when I could afford to do so, I tried to take myself and my son away on a holiday once a year. Somewhere away from work, friends and family where we could focus on just us.

Even now, with a fiancé and many exciting prospects in my future, my son and I have a “date” every other month where we spend time together with just the two of us, doing things we’ve always like to do together.

13. If you were selected as a finalist, would you be willing to:

1. Attend the Gala Event on 25 March 2010?Absolutely! I would consider it a privilege! 
2. Supply additional information, photos etc. on short notice to support your nomination?Yes, I should be able to send what ever is needed.

14. If you won in your category would you:

1. Make yourself available for media interviews and comments?Yes, definitely. Anything to further my crusade to create awareness of ADHD is worth doing! 
2. Undertake reasonable and voluntary work related to being a winner of the category i.e. mentoring another lady in the category you won?Oh without a doubt! I would be honoured if someone considered me a mentor. 
3. Become an Ambassador for the cause and intention of the Feather Awards and find suitable nominees for the 2011 Feather Awards? Oh yes! 
4. Be willing to present the award to the 2011 winner of the category at the Gala Event next year? If I won I would be sorry to part with my title, but definitely yes!